- Jack the giant killer 2013 terrible how to#
- Jack the giant killer 2013 terrible movie#
- Jack the giant killer 2013 terrible update#
What does any of this have to do with giants? They’re a major appeal of the story! There was also a lot of terrible acting, plot holes, and underdeveloped characters, but the lack of giants really bothered me. (Though I can’t imagine that tastes good.) What you don’t imagine, and are extremely disappointed if you get, is large, scaly, six-eyed dinosaurs, or some asshole kid in a shitty-looking robot. Large humanoids shouting “Fi Fi Fo Fum!” who want to grind your bones into bread. Say a mean, then crass, thing: Despite her enormous chompers, her highness Serena can get it in her bath chair all night.īiggest suspension of disbelief: If Newald is supposed to be straight, why did he stop hanging out with a super hot chick with abandonment issues that lives in an ornate castle? That’s the definition of paradise.įinal review: When you think of the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk, you automatically think of giants. Say a mean thing: General O’Shauncey is a fat, unfunny twat. Say a nice thing: Lisa is helpful and cute. Hilarious, glaring error: My favorite part of the film is when Jack dismounts from a nonexistent motorcycle.
Jack the giant killer 2013 terrible movie#
Castles, by the way, which are mysteriously suited for humans instead of giants.īiggest movie cliché: Oh crud! That vehicle stopped working at an incredibly inopportune time, huh? More cons: Serena is a human, right? How did she get magical powers?Įven more cons: Fuck Mark Atkins for that bullshit, superficial reason people traveled in flying castles. And that’s fucking bullshit.Ĭons: Honestly, who the fuck fires a pistol at a dinosaur? Anytime someone is shooting a gun on screen, this movie is failing miserably. Quick review: Not one actual “giant” to be found.
Jack the giant killer 2013 terrible update#
My synopsis: Some species of dinosaur monster gets brought to England by a queen/witch, who hours later regrets her decision and helps bring about their destruction. Audience Reviews for Jack the Giant Killer Yes that's right, before the dreadfully bland CGI update there was this much better film, I bet many of you didn't know the 2013 film was an.
Jack the giant killer 2013 terrible how to#
When the creatures make their way to the ground, Jack must figure out how to get back down before they destroy earth and everyone in it.”
Their synopsis: “A giant beanstalk brings Jack to a land in the clouds filled with snarling, evil beasts. Initial thoughts (Pre-screening): What’re the odds the “giant” resembles a dragon? Starring: Ginger Elijah Wood, that crazy lady Bruce Willis used to fuck
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